The Daily Life of a Dysfunctional Mafia Family
by DarkSilence101
Summary: What happens when you throw KHR characters into an online chat room? All hell breaks loose! On the internet, secrecy is non-existent and all fighting is done by words and icons. Amongst this chaos, can love blossom? Parody,Romance, MSN 8059, XS, 6918
1. Diabolical Battles Between Fire and Ice

**  
THE DAILY LIFE OF A DYSFUNCTIONAL MAFIA FAMILY**

Day 1: Diabolical Battles Between Fire and Ice

**A.N** My first KHR fic! Hope you like it! Thanks to _Melody123_ for some ideas.

_For my friends Yuhazaki, Loki Lee, Vonna Plum and of course Melody123._

* * *

**Usernames in order of appearance**

**Gokudera- 10s_bitch**

**Tsuna- IM_NOT_TUNA**

**Yamamoto- Baseball_Luver**

**Xanxus- OBEY_OR_DIE**

**Squalo- Loyaltys_a_bitch**

**Hibari- BITEU2DEATH**

**Mukuro- Smoke_n_Mirrors**

* * *

_10s_bitch has signed in._

10s_bitch says:  
Huh? No one is on yet?

_IM_NOT_TUNA has signed in_

IM_NOT_TUNA says:  
Hello Gokudera!

10s_bitch says:  
Hello Juudaime!!

IM_NOT_TUNA says:  
I just got home. Reborn made me do some 'extra' training. I'm so tired right now.

10s_bitch says:  
That's ok. I just got on too! Juudaime has been training! I need to train too!!

IM_NOT_TUNA says:  
You don't need to Gokudera. You're fine. Yamamoto not here yet?

10s_bitch says:  
Awwww… Thank you Juudaime! And, nope. It's only us two at the moment. I think he had baseball practice afterschool.

IM_NOT_TUNA says:  
Okay. He should be here soon.

_Baseball_Luver has signed in._

Baseball_Luver says:  
Hi Tsuna!! Hi Gokudera!

**10s_bitch has changed their name to Bombshell_59**

IM_NOT_TUNA says:  
Hello Yamamoto! :D

Bombshell_59 says:  
Hi…

Baseball_Luver says:  
Ummm… Gokudera, why was your name 10s_bitch? o.O

IM_NOT_TUNA says:  
Yea Gokudera… why?

Bombshell_59 says:  
None your business Baseball Baka! You don't really need to know Juudaime.

IM_NOT_TUNA says:  
ALLLRIIIGHT THEN. Well, either of you done the Maths homework? I don't get it!! TT^TT

Baseball_Luver says:  
Well, I just got back from practice so I haven't even looked at it yet. I'm pretty sure I won't get it either. Maths can die in a hole!

Bombshell_59 says:  
Meh it was easy. But if you are having trouble I'll come over tomorrow and help you.

IM_NOT_TUNA says:  
THANK YOU!~ Yamamoto, if you need help you can come over too.

Baseball_Luver says:  
Okay. I'd love to Tsuna.

_OBEY_OR_DIE has signed in_

OBEY_OR_DIE says:  
What are you all doing in here?!

IM_NOT_TUNA says:  
AHHHH!! Not you! *hides in closet*

Bombshell_59 says:  
I'll protect you Juudaime!

Baseball_Luver says:  
IT'S OK! Calm down Gokudera…

OBEY_OR DIE says:  
What chat room is this?! Isn't this the 'All Things Cute and Fuzzy' chat room?!

Bombshell_59 says:  
… O.O

OBEY_OR_DIE says:  
I mean… I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!

_Loyaltys_a_bitch has signed in_

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
Boss! Your hairdresser's appointment is in five minutes!

OBEY_OR_DIE says:  
What!? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME EARLIER YOU FUCKTARD!!

Bombshell_59 says:  
W…T…F…

IM_NOT_TUNA says:  
I'm not coming out! *resumes hiding in the closet*

Baseball_Luver says:  
I'm staying out of this one.

OBEY_OR_DIE says:  
I mean… What hairdresser's appointment?

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
Boss it's that appointment at umm… that place you really like. What's it called again?

OBEY_OR_DIE says:  
YOU ARE SO DEAD! HEAR THAT TRASH!? JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET DOWN THERE!!!

_OBEY_OR_DIE has signed out_

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
HELP!!!!!

Bombshell_59 says:  
Serves you right. I'm never going to think of Xanxus in the same way again. *shudders*

Baseball_Luver says:  
Yea. I would be really embarrassed if I was Xanxus right now. I'm sure you can handle it though Squalo.

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
HEEEELLLLPPPP!!! VOIII!!!!!~

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
This is Xanxus. THE TRASH LIES! LIES!!! ALL LIES!!!!

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**Loyaltys_a_bitch has changed their name to OBEY_OR_DIE_has_killed_Loyaltys_a_bitch**

_OBEY_OR_DIE_has_killed_Loyaltys_a_bitch has signed out_

Bombshell_59 says:  
WTF, I have no idea what just happened. That was interesting yet extremely creepy at the same time… I wouldn't want to be Squalo right now.

Baseball_Luver says:  
Definitely. Hey, Tsuna you can come out now. But Squalo is right, loyalty to Xanxus is a bitch….

IM_NOT_TUNA says:  
Phew… *climbs out of closet*

_BITEU2DEATH has signed in._

BITEU2DEATH says:  
What are you herbivores doing here?

IM_NOT_TUNA says:  
NO! Not Hibari-san!

Bombshell_59 says:  
I'll protect you again Juudaimeeee!!

BITEU2DEATH says:  
You didn't answer my question! What are you doing here?! Doesn't matter. I'll just bite you to death. *takes out tonfas*

Bombshell_59 says:  
You'll have to go through me first! *takes out dynamite*

Baseball_Luver says:  
Look Hibari-san, Gokudera. Please calm down.

Bombshell_59 says:  
No way! Stay out of the way Baseball Baka!

BITEU2DEATH says:  
Never mind. I'll BITE YOU ALL TO DEATH!

Bombshell_59 says:  
Bring it on!

_Smoke_n_Mirrors has signed in._

Smoke_n_Mirrors says:  
Kufufufufu~ Hello everyone.

IM_NOT_TUNA says:  
Mukuro! What are you going here? I swear everyone is out to get me today.

Bombshell_59 says:  
Juudaime! Be careful.

BITEU2DEATH says:  
… Quit interrupting herbivore!

Smoke_n_Mirrors says:  
That's not a very welcoming greeting. :D

IM_NOT_TUNA says:  
I think I'll go back to my closet…

Bombshell_59 says:  
Piss off Mukuro. Juudaime! I'll protect you with my super special awesome online dynamite! *insert dynamite icon* *insert explosion icon*

IM_NOT_TUNA says:  
I'm sorry Gokudera but I think I'll feel safer away from this chat room. Bye!

_IM_NOT_TUNA has signed out_

Baseball_Luver says:  
Bye Tsuna!~

Bombshell_59 says:  
He's gone already Baseball Baka! Now look what you guys have done.

BITEU2DEATH says:  
The herbivore ran away! You'll pay for that Mukuro. I'll also BITE YOU TO DEATH!

Smoke_n_Mirrors says:  
This should be interesting. I think I'll take you up on that. *takes out trident*

BITEU2DEATH says:  
Let's take this offline. I want to bite you to death in reality, not just online.

Smoke_n_Mirrors says:  
Whatever makes you sleep at night. Talk to you all soon! Kufufufu~

_Smoke_n_Mirrors has signed out_

BITEU2DEATH says:  
Now all of you stay here! I'll be back to bite you to death when I'm finished with him.

_BITEU2DEATH has signed out_

Bombshell_59 says:  
So… its only us left.

Baseball_Luver says:  
Guess so.

Bombshell_59 says:  
Okay, this is just boring.

Baseball_Luver says:  
Well then say something.

Bombshell_59 says:  
You say something.

Baseball_Luver says:  
Errrrr…

Bombshell_59 says:  
I'll just go do the English homework then.

Baseball_Luver says:  
I'll go look at the Maths homework then…

Bombshell_59 says:  
Alright… awkward silence.

Baseball_Luver says:  
Yea…

Bombshell_59 says:  
Guess I'll go now.

Baseball_Luver says:  
Bye, darling.

Bombshell_59 says:  
What did you just call me?! Don't say that in public!! We are in an open chat room! Someone might see it!!

Baseball_Luver says:  
Fine. I won't say it.

Bombshell_59 says:  
Good. See you tomorrow at school.

Baseball_Luver says:  
Yup. Bye, sweetie!

Bombshell_59 says:  
Don't call me that either you Baseball Baka!

_Bombshell_59 has signed out_

Baseball_Luver says:  
*sigh* Just me now… Well, better jump into my Maths homework's hole. TT^TT

_Baseball_Luver has signed out_

_BITEU2DEATH has signed in_

BITEU2DEATH says:  
Now you herbivores! Now that I've dealt with that Mukuro, I'm going to bite YOU to death!

BITEU2DEATH says:  
Hey! Where are you?!

BITEU2DEATH says:  
Damn it!! They all left! I'll get them at school tomorrow. Grrrrrrrrr!!!

_BITEU2DEATH has signed out_

* * *

**A.N** Yay! That was so fun! The next chapters should feature some short fluff conversations between different pairings. Including 8059, XS, maybe 6918. The Varia Edition is currently being written by _Melody123_, because she wanted to write it. Hope you enjoyed it!

**Reviews:** Are very much appreciated. Ideas and requests are also welcomed. "Reviews are like drugs, the more you have the happier you are!" :D


	2. The Problems With Internet Chat Rooms

**THE DAILY LIFE OF A DYSFUNCTIONAL MAFIA FAMILY**

Day 2: The Problem With Internet Chat Rooms

**A.N by DarkSilence101** Hey guys! This chapter was written by Melody123 with contributions from me. She gets 99% credit. But due to personal reasons she could not finish the fic so I had to do it and do the final edit. Thanks for reading!

Neither of us own KHR characters.

**A.N by Melody123**- Hi guys! This is Melody123. I really hope you enjoy this fic as much as I've enjoyed writing it! I gotta thank my gorgeous, wonderful friend DarkSilence101 for letting me interfere and write my own Varia version! I hope you love it! My profile is not active atm for unforeseen personal complications, but i will be back soon! Please review!

* * *

**Usernames in order of appearance**

**Squalo- OBEY_OR_DIE_has_killed_Loyaltys_a_bitch**

**Lussuria- Gay-ass**

**Levi-The_most_irrelevant_person_here**

**Bel- Prince_Da_Ripper**

**Fran- KisstheFrog**

**Xanxus- OBEY_OR_DIE**

* * *

_OBEY_OR_DIE_has_killed_Loyaltys_a_bitch has signed in_

**OBEY_OR_DIE_has_killed_Loyaltys_a_bitch has changed their name to Loyaltys_a_bitch**

_Gay-ass has signed in_

_The_most_irrelevant_person_here has signed in_

_Prince_Da_Ripper has signed in_

_KisstheFrog has signed in_

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
VOIIIII Lussuria you epic asshole! Why the hell did you introduce the boss to online chat rooms? Now he can HARASS me over the internet! Where else am I supposed to whinge about him?!

Gay-ass says:  
Oh get a grip Squalo…. I know! We'll code name him! What about Gun Wielding Nutcase, GWN for short? He'll never ever know we're actually talking about him!

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
What are you completely mad?! He'll know! HE KNOWS EVERYTHING!

Prince_Da_Ripper says:  
Psychotic Homicidal Asshole

The_most_irrelevant_person_here says:  
HEY! Stop being mean about the boss!

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
Go screw yourself Levi.

The_most_irrelevant_person_here says:  
I'M GOING TO TELL THE BOSS!

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
DO IT AND DIE ASSHOLE!

_The_most_irrelevant_person_here has signed off_

Gay-ass says:  
Oh we are so fucked. That little brown-noser!

KisstheFrog says:  
Tyrannical office despot. The TOD.

Gay-ass says:  
Hey! I like that!

Prince_Da_Ripper says:  
Nice froggie. Smarter than you look.

KisstheFrog says:  
Thank you senpai.

Gay-ass says:  
Alright. THE-BOSS-WHO-SHALL-NOT-BE-NAMED shall be from now on referred to as the TOD.

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
He's completely off his rocker! He went absolutely crazy at me when I ACCIDENTALLY forgot to inform his lordship of his hairdressing appointment.

Prince_Da_Ripper says:  
The TOD had a hairdresser's appointment? Shishishishishi~

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
Yes. What did you think? That his hair is too frightened of his great angst to grow out of shape?

Prince_Da_Ripper says:  
Where?

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
WHAT IS THIS, 20 QUESTIONS? Who cares? The point is that he went TOTALLY MENTAL!

Gay-ass says:  
I go to the Trent Mason Salon. It's on Canterbury Rd. V(^o^)V

KisstheFrog says:  
o.O. Did we really need to know?

Prince_Da_Ripper says:  
Apparently.

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
Hey! I think that's the one he went to…… ANYWAY he made me stand and 'guard' him whilst he had his hair cut. Then I got assaulted by a pink-haired sparkly hairdresser who WANTED TO CUT MY HAIR!!!!!!!!

Gay-ass says:  
OOO WE'LL HAVE TO COMPARE STYLES!

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
DON'T YOU DARE LUSSURIA! He doesn't know I told you….. He is under the impression that he is 'badass'. Don't burst his bubble.

_The_most_irrelevant_person_here has signed in_

The_most_irrelevant_person_here says:  
He threw a table at me for disturbing his nap.

Prince_Da_Ripper says:  
WHAT?

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
VOIIII!! LEVI NO-ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT!

Gay-ass says:  
The TOD takes afternoon naps? AWWWWWW *hugs*

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
I'm so epically fucked.

Gay-ass says:  
Do you ever stop swearing Squa-chan?

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
No you asshole! Levi, did he seem angry?

Prince_Da_Ripper says:  
Surely that is a stupid question…..

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
Shuddup Bel.

The_most_irrelevant_person_here says:  
Of course he was angry! HE THREW A TABLE AT ME!

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
Pfffft. He does that to me all the time.

The_most_irrelevant_person_here says:  
You seriously have to stop whining about the boss Squalo. We all have to suffer his crap!

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
FUCK OFF LEVI. Or I will come down there and rip off your balls and feed them to you. Seriously. FEAR THE CASTRATION.

Prince_Da_Ripper says:  
OOO Do it when we're there will you? Shishishishi~

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
Let's just hope he doesn't find out you all know.....

_OBEY_OR_DIE has signed in_

OBEY_OR_DIE says:  
TRASH!!!! You are so very very dead! It is unbelievable how ABSOLUTELY FUCKING DEAD YOU ARE!

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
Ermm Boss....

OBEY_OR_DIE says:  
YOU KNOW YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO LET ANYONE DISTURB MY AFTERNOON ME- TIME! And who comes knocking on my door? Levi. Where were you?!

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
I was....... Doing paperwork!

OBEY_OR_DIE says:  
That is the worst fucking excuse I have heard in a while trash. You are still extremely dead! Next time you come crawling into my bed when there are a few measly peals of thunder YOU WILL PAY! If you weren't my uke, you would be dead faster than you could say "VOIII FUCK ME HARDER!"

Prince_Da_Ripper says:  
USHISHISHISHI~

Gay-ass says:  
SQUA-CHAN'S AN UKE?! Awwww!!!! =3~

OBEY_OR_DIE says:  
What are you fuckers doing here? Isn't this a private chat room thingy?

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
No. Its not. AND YOU HAVE JUST TOLD ALL EVERYONE IN THE FUCKING CASTLE THAT I AM YOUR UKE. God I hate you.

Gay-ass says:  
AWWWW lovers' tiff *hearts*

The_most_irrelevant_person_here says:  
The boss is gay?!!!! *keels over*

Gay-ass says:  
Get with the program Levi. It's not that surprising.... I mean, just look at the dogged loyalty shown by Squa-chan, and the boss is so ridiculously bishounen..... Who could blame Squa-chan for begging?

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

OBEY_OR_DIE says:  
Death is forthcoming... *reaches for guns*

**[from this point onwards, written by DarkSilence101]**

Gay-ass says:  
Oh shit...

OBEY_OR_DIE says:  
WAIT TILL I GET DOWN THERE AND INTO EACH OF YOUR ROOMS! YOU ARE ALL GOING TO BE DEAD!!

Gay-ass says:  
AHHHHH!!

_Gay-ass has signed off_

OBEY_OR_DIE says:  
RUNNING WON'T SAVE YOU!! Just ask Squalo!

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
It's true. Be afraid. BE VERY AFRAID!

_KisstheFrog has signed off_

Prince_Da_Ripper says:  
Shishishishishi~

_Prince_Da_Ripper has signed out_

The_most_irrelevant_person_here says:  
I'M SORRY BOSS!!!

OBEY_OR_DIE says:  
YOU BETTER BE!!

The_most_irrelevant_person_here says:  
ARGHHHH!!

_The_most_irrelevant_person_here has signed out_

Loyaltys_a_bitch says:  
All those bastards ran away...

OBEY_OR_DIE says:  
Don't think YOU are out of hot water... *glares*

_Loyaltys_a_bitch has signed out_

OBEY_OR_DIE says:  
*sigh* Now that they are all cowering in fear I can possibly get a few more minutes sleep before I go kill 'em.

_OBEY_OR_DIE has signed out_

* * *

**A.N from DarkSilence101** Thanks for reading everyone! Hope you had fun reading it! Keep updated on the progress of the next update via my profile. I update that fairly regularly. :D

**Reviews:** Both of us would really appreciate reviews. Review cookies for all!!~_  
_


End file.
